He seems to actually be open to the idea now, though some of the things he says make me wonder if it would ever work (like the fact that he's vegetarian and I'm paleo, he seems like he doesn't want to help with diapers and yucky poopy stuff ever, etc). But how long should I give him? I just feel like I need a YES SOON or I'm going to go nuts. I can't just be on hold any longer as it's making me so miserable to be in limbo.
We had a very long talk about this issue and got somewhere, but he just keeps thinking of any excuse possible (what if we had a developmentally disabled kid? What about money? What about...). I'm trying to be patient but it's driving me crazy.
Oh and he admitted that he almost had an affair with an UNDERGRAD while I was in Germany and we were having all those problems. It's a little sad/disturbing, but also totally understandable. I was attracted to that one guy at Zeiss then.
Sigh. I suggested that we start seeing other people if he can't make that decision, mostly because I don't want to deal with moving out or whatever and I keep hoping he will change his mind when push comes to shove. He seems so close, but I don't know if close really means in 6 months he will change his mind and say no or that he's a few weeks from yes. I just need a firm commitment to feel safe and committed to our relationship again. Right now I feel very uncommitted because I feel he isn't willing to commit to me in the way that he knows I need him to, so why should I feel committed, especially when there is a very real possibility that I'm going to need to de-committ myself very soon if he doesn't say YES ASAP.
Sigh, I'm going to try to go sleep now, despite feeling like there is no way I will ever sleep. But it's time to try at least. Might as well get the sleep now since I don't get the baby to take away my sleep.
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