The irony of my fearful husband is that fear is better than ignorance but ignorant husbands are more likely to say yes

The ironic thing about my husband is that, the fact that he is taking being a parent so seriously makes me think he would be an even better parent, since he knows it will be a lot of work.  A lot of people get into becoming parents with no idea how much work it is going to be.  I'm of the impression that I have no idea how much work it is going to be after I have a kid, so I guess that still makes me clueless, but at least I know that I don't know.  I don't want him to say, sure, let's do it, and then be all whiny because it's not easy.  His taking this issue seriously is a good thing.  He just needs to decide that it's worth the effort.  Honestly, even if he just decides that it is worth the effort to keep me, I would be perfectly happy with that at the moment.

I just wish I could get him to give it a try.  I know I know, all the people freak out if you say you want to have someone have a kid with you when they aren't really READY for kids, BUT, who the hell is ready for kids????  No matter how much you think you are ready or how much you want kids, they are going to change everything and you have no idea until they come how much that is going to be.  Yes, you should love your kid and plan it and yadda yadda yadda, but life ain't always a beautiful package and things don't always go exactly like that.  Many children come into this world in much much worse situations that me having a child with my husband that he doesn't necessarily want a child per say and I just know in my heart that when he sees our beautiful baby he is going to change his mind.  Especially once the baby starts to grow and learn and he can teach it about the world.  I know he is going to be an awesome dad!  If I didn't know that, really deep down, know it with 100% certainty, then I wouldn't want to have a kid with him, whether he wanted one or not.  Again, the irony comes back to haunt me.  But I may never find out if I'm right about his potential awesome daddyness if I can't get him to agree to give it a try in the first place.

I guess I just feel like everyone goes into kids either uncertain and afraid or clueless that they should be afraid, cuz it is a big fucking deal to have kids.  I'd rather be uncertain and afraid, as I am, despite my certainty that I want to do it I'm still really afraid, than a clueless person who has no idea what they are getting into.  I'd rather have him also be uncertain and afraid with me than clueless, but I'm thinking if he was only clueless I might actually be able to get him to say yes.